You're putting it where????!!!!!!!
For those of you who have ever read my blog, you understand that I have a warped sense of humor. For those of you who don't, please understand that I have a warped sense of humor. But I'm ALWAYS happy. (Some language not to be used in front of children)This is all probably TMI for everyone, but I couldn't pass it up.
I'm in heaven. At least it feels that way. I got the morphine infusion pump permanately implanted about two weeks ago.It automatically dispenses morphine directly into my spinal cord, so I don't have to push any buttons. Thank goodness. So I no longer have any pain. Sort of. Well, the catherer is in my spine. That is just a matter of time for healing. For someone who is terminal, I sure did come alive all of a sudden. (This is just to make me as comfortable as possible in the meantime.) By the third day, I could sit up in bed, stand up and walk like a normal person without pain for the first time in years. I felt as though I had just experienced a miracle.Truly, a miracle. I just stood there and cried and cried and praised God for His graciousness for someone as humble as me. I am so blessed!Really, really blessed!
But...(no pun intended)
The pump is implanted in my BUTT!!!!
When the surgeon told me where he was going to place it, I just couldn't stop laughing. I just thought that was one of the funniest things that I've ever heard in my life! It's just so appropriate for someone like me to have that happen to. Of all places????!!!!
Okay, so here's the jokes that I've come up with so far...
So since I have a morphine pump in my butt, does that mean that I'm less of a pain in the ass now?
Since it is the size of of Skoal chewing tobacco can, is it going to look like I have a can of it stuck in my jeans pocket? That's the exact location of it.
Did I just get a butt lift?
Honey, does this make my butt look bigger?
Does this mean that my butt is high?
Thank God that it's not in my butthole.
Now I have a very unique butt hole,it has a pump in it.
So I've had so many operations that I ran out of spare parts, and you decide to add a new part THERE? I mean couldn't you have done it on my boob or something?
So does this mean that I'm a happy ass now too?
(You have to understand this one...on the other side I have a tatto that says that I am a "Certified Wise Ass")
I had them laughing so hard in the surgery room, that my surgeon finally said,"Okay everyone, let's just stop what we're doing until we get her knocked out, because she has us all laughing so hard, I know I couldn't cut a straight line right now if I tried," So out I went.
I guess my happy ass will never pass a drug test again.
Well, I'm happy that it's done now and I'm finally mostly free of pain for a while.
I just thought that I share a few happy thoughts that I had about it with you.
Have a blessed day,
Mobea :)
I'm in heaven. At least it feels that way. I got the morphine infusion pump permanately implanted about two weeks ago.It automatically dispenses morphine directly into my spinal cord, so I don't have to push any buttons. Thank goodness. So I no longer have any pain. Sort of. Well, the catherer is in my spine. That is just a matter of time for healing. For someone who is terminal, I sure did come alive all of a sudden. (This is just to make me as comfortable as possible in the meantime.) By the third day, I could sit up in bed, stand up and walk like a normal person without pain for the first time in years. I felt as though I had just experienced a miracle.Truly, a miracle. I just stood there and cried and cried and praised God for His graciousness for someone as humble as me. I am so blessed!Really, really blessed!
But...(no pun intended)
The pump is implanted in my BUTT!!!!
When the surgeon told me where he was going to place it, I just couldn't stop laughing. I just thought that was one of the funniest things that I've ever heard in my life! It's just so appropriate for someone like me to have that happen to. Of all places????!!!!
Okay, so here's the jokes that I've come up with so far...
So since I have a morphine pump in my butt, does that mean that I'm less of a pain in the ass now?
Since it is the size of of Skoal chewing tobacco can, is it going to look like I have a can of it stuck in my jeans pocket? That's the exact location of it.
Did I just get a butt lift?
Honey, does this make my butt look bigger?
Does this mean that my butt is high?
Thank God that it's not in my butthole.
Now I have a very unique butt hole,it has a pump in it.
So I've had so many operations that I ran out of spare parts, and you decide to add a new part THERE? I mean couldn't you have done it on my boob or something?
So does this mean that I'm a happy ass now too?
(You have to understand this one...on the other side I have a tatto that says that I am a "Certified Wise Ass")
I had them laughing so hard in the surgery room, that my surgeon finally said,"Okay everyone, let's just stop what we're doing until we get her knocked out, because she has us all laughing so hard, I know I couldn't cut a straight line right now if I tried," So out I went.
I guess my happy ass will never pass a drug test again.
Well, I'm happy that it's done now and I'm finally mostly free of pain for a while.
I just thought that I share a few happy thoughts that I had about it with you.
Have a blessed day,
Mobea :)